Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
