In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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