I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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