So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
