i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
