we're blogging at a bar
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
