Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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