I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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