Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
