I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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