im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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