So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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