if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize