Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
