Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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