Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
