Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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