Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
