I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
