They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
