just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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