im drinking this country out of the recession.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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