i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
