I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
