The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
