I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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