New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
