I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize