You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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