What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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