i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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