Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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