How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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