you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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