Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
