I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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