U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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