She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
