What did we do last night that was yellow?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize