If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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