Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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