dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
