Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
