you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
