I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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