i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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