apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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