Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
