i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
