You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
