He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
