I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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