My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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