All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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