I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
