Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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