god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i barfeds in our rink
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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