I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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