Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
