I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't turn off my feet"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize