I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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