mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just tell him i said nine months
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
