I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
