I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
