Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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