i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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