I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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