just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
