someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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