He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
