So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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