I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize