I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
home. puking in laundry basket.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
