I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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