oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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