This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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