They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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