friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
