I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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