saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
