I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
