This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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