the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
