there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
