dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
